Once upon a time there was a baby who forgot how to burp. This distressed him greatly, so he searched far and wide for his lost burps. He looked everywhere. Under his crib, in the Diaper Genie, behind Winnie the Pooh lamp on the changing table, in the dresser, in the garbage can, inside his rattle, the burps were nowhere to be found. The only thing his search accomplished was to make him very smelly, thanks to looking in the Diaper Genie.
Finally, with nowhere else to look, he set sail on a sea of spit-up for the magical land of Belch. Ever since its old mayor mysteriously vanished, the magical land of Belch was ruled by the evil Guido the Sea Gull, who spent his weekends filching french fries and terrorizing tourists at the Jersey shore. During the week, Guido would steal babies’ burps and take them back to his neon palace of gaudiness, which was surrounded by a boardwalk moat and guarded by gibbering old ladies fused to slot machines. The old ladies would shoot quarters from the machines at any intruder who dared enter.
However, this baby wouldn’t let anything get in the way of his quest for his lost burp. Unable to contain himself any longer, he let loose a giant stream of spit-up, which washed him up over the boardwalk, past the slot machine-armed old ladies, and into the center of Guido the Sea Gull’s garish glowing lair. He snatched his burp from among a pile of Guido’s gold medallions and ill-fitting toupees.
Before Guido could counterattack, the baby rocketed out the roof of the palace on the strength of a gigantic fart and landed back in his bedroom. His parents were none the wiser, and they all lived happily ever after. The end.
A Tale Told by an Idiot 