Posts Tagged ‘Sesame Street’

The Kids Are All Weird

October 26, 2009

I have to wonder what the exact purpose of all the baby toys we own is when it’s painfully obvious that the baby’s current favorite toy is a can of mushrooms. It’s shiny, and it has a label with bright colors! Plus, you can roll it around the room. What more could anyone possibly want?

As for our two-year old, he completely polished off a heaping bowl of leftover lentil and tomato curry with brown rice for breakfast this morning. It’s one of his favorite foods. He also likes to pull my wife’s paperback copy of Nightmares and Dreamscapes off the shelf, point to the picture of Stephen King on the back cover, and shout, “Dad!” He’s also done this to the TV on the few occasions he’s seen Barack Obama on television. For the record, I look nothing like Stephen King, nor do I resemble the President. He also refers to Abby Cadabby, and only Abby Cadabby, as “Mom” when watching Sesame Street.

No, my wife is not purple.


We. Are. So. Wrong.

March 3, 2009

My wife and I were watching Elmo’s World on Sesame Street tonight with the kids. The segment’s topic was “skin.”

When Elmo wanted find out more about skin, a computer-animated talking book appeared. Its face was on the cover, and the book was light brown in color. My wife grimaced and said, “Is that supposed to be made out of skin?”

“It’s the Necronomicon!” I replied. Then we both chuckled.

All this was well within earshot of the kids. They will be very, very strange one day.

Ask A Baby!

November 2, 2008

La la la la, la la la la, Elmo’s World. La la la la, la la la la, ELMO’S WORLD!

And now it’s time for everybody’s favorite Elmo’s World segment, “Ask A Baby!”

Our first question comes from “Worried in Waukeegan.”

Worried: I’m afraid the building next to my house might be harboring a meth lab. It smells like nail polish and cat pee at all hours, and there are always a lot of empty containers of antifreeze, lighter fluid, Sudafed, and glass beakers with weird purple residue in the trash. The windows are blacked out, and strange people are always coming and going. The problem is, it’s also the local police station. With this in mind, where can I possibly go for help?

Baby: Gaaa. Mmph. Buh. Wawawawawawawa—gheeee! Dat!

Our next question comes from “Curious in Centralia.”

Curious: Elmo doesn’t really seem like the responsible type, so I was wondering how many goldfish named Dorothy Elmo has killed and secretly buried in Mr. Noodle’s backyard through the years?

Baby: Blub! MMMMMMMMMMM! Ahhhwa. Da. Da. Fuuuuuuuf. Bahh.

Our final question comes from “Margaret from an undisclosed location.”

Margaret: Are you there, God? It’s me, Margaret.

Baby: . . . and two, I use E-Trade so . . .  urp . . . urp . . . BLEARCH!  Whoa.

Blast You, Elmo!!! Blast You!!!!!

February 7, 2008

It is time something was created for the web that is utterly without precedent: a completely unfounded, angry screed of pure opinion about utterly inconsequential miscellany. There don’t appear to be any of those on the Internets, much less on blogs. So, here it goes:

Let it go on the record that I despise Elmo. That giggling, pipsqueak-voiced vermilion Muppet gets on my nerves like none other. As a parent, I’m finding that there is absolutely no escaping Elmo. He has apparently infected every corner of the universe with his inane blather and dopey face.

I have no idea how and when Elmo became so popular. I don’t think that character even existed when I watched Sesame Street as a kid, way back in the stone age when Mr. Hooper ran Hooper’s Store and everyone thought Suffleupagus was Big Bird’s imaginary friend.

Two smarter Muppets than Elmo try to communicate with a telephone.Fast forward to today, and Elmo is everywhere. He is, for some bizarre reason, on almost all of the diapers we’ve ever used. His fuzzy form pops out of baby books, and his obnoxiously third person-referring voice spews from a toy phone the kid got for the holidays. Why, O Cruel and Vindictive Gods of The Children’s Television Workshop, Why?

There are infinitely better and cooler Muppets out there than Elmo. As far as the coolness factor goes, you can’t really top Slimey, Oscar The Grouch’s pet worm, who seems to have his own personal chorus line at his beck and call. Even those two Martians that randomly invade Bert and Ernie’s apartment to change the settings on the radio, think telephones are intelligent beings, and can apparently say nothing but, “Yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip. Uh-huh,” exhibit greater intelligence than the Red Menace.

Hey hey, ho ho, Elmo’s got to go.

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