Posts Tagged ‘quotes’

All the News That’s Fit to . . . Something or Other

April 14, 2011

Hey Mom, I find it interesting that you refer to the Weekly World News as, “The paper.”

— One of Mike Myers’ characters in So I Married an Axe Murderer

. . . and from that illustrious paper comes “news” of the shocking source of our worldwide zombie outbreak (yeah, I didn’t notice there was one, either): ZOMBIE ANTS FROM RIO!

In other news, the annual springtime invasion of our house by tiny ants seems to be underway once again. Hopefully they’re not of the zombie variety. Zombie ants make Batboy cringe.

In a perfectly rational segue, here’s my favorite line from So I Married an Axe Murderer, spoken by another of Mike Myers’ characters: “Heed! Pants! NOW!”

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Ironic Quote of the Day

November 3, 2010

“Government does not create jobs.”

— Rand Paul, immediately upon finding out he landed a cushy government job.

Quote of the Election Day

November 1, 2010

“Okay, ’bout half and half. That means half of you are stupid. Discuss.”

— Eminent TV philosopher Sam Puckett

Comical Quote of the Day

February 8, 2010

“If you’ll read the subtext for many of those old strips, you’ll find the heart of an old-fashioned Libertarian.  And I’d be a Libertarian, if they weren’t all a bunch of tax-dodging professional whiners.”

— Berke Breathed, on his old comic strip Bloom County

Quote of the Day

October 25, 2009

“Faith in a holy cause is to a considerable extent a substitute for the lost faith in ourselves.”

— Eric Hoffer

Long-Winded Quote of the Day

October 3, 2009

“The madman’s explanation of a thing is always complete, and often in a purely rational sense satisfactory. Or, to speak more strictly, the insane explanation, if not conclusive, is at least unanswerable; this may be observed specially in the two or three commonest kinds of madness. If a man says (for instance) that men have a conspiracy against him, you cannot dispute it except by saying that all the men deny that they are conspirators; which is exactly what conspirators would do. His explanation covers the facts as much as yours . . .

“Every one who has had the misfortune to talk with people in the heart or on the edge of mental disorder, knows that their most sinister quality is a horrible clarity of detail; a connecting of one thing with another in a map more elaborate than a maze. If you argue with a madman, it is extremely probable that you will get the worst of it; for in many ways his mind moves all the quicker for not being delayed by the things that go with good judgment. He is not hampered by a sense of humour or by charity, or by the dumb certainties of experience. He is the more logical for losing certain sane affections. Indeed, the common phrase for insanity is in this respect a misleading one. The madman is not the man who has lost his reason. The madman is the man who has lost everything except his reason.”

— G.K. Chesterton, Orthodoxy

Unfortunately, those words could apply to a lot of people making noise in what passes for our political dialogue these days.

“Malvert Thanks!”

May 1, 2009

Behold as I mark my triumphant return to blogging (taking care of a toddler and an infant on your own during the day is much more taxing on your free time than taking care of just one infant or just one toddler, I’m finding) by lamely phoning in this latest dispatch. So, here’s another occasional odd quote of the day.

This one is from the cult classic low-budget early ’80s spoof of low-budget early ’80s slasher films, Student Bodies. Set simultaneously on Halloween, Friday the 13th, and Jamie Lee Curtis’ birthday, it contains a running body count, many horse-head bookends, and the following now inappropriate yet still somehow funny nugget of a line:

“Sexual repression causes swine flu.”

Speaking of vaguely inappropriate comments about swine flu, there’s a great opinion piece by Reuben Navarette of CNN.com riffing on Vice President Biden’s latest open-mouth-insert-foot moment as a way to highlight the idiotic immigrant bashing going on in certain circles in response to the outbreak:

The Obama administration forgot the first rule in a crisis: Never send Vice President Joe Biden to calm people’s fears . . .

Kudos to President Obama and Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano for instilling common sense into all this by pointing out that closing the border wouldn’t do any good now that the flu has jumped the fence, so to speak . . .

But what I waited for — and never saw — was a similar effort by the administration to defend the other group unfairly blamed for spreading the flu: Mexican immigrants. If the concern is with people who might visit Mexico, then we should scrutinize legal immigrants and U.S. citizens who can travel freely between the two countries. Consider that the rash of cases in New York stemmed from students who went to Cancun for spring break.

Yet, ironically, it’s illegal immigrants who usually don’t travel back and forth who catch the blame . . .

Here at home, we’ve actually got some surgical masks. No, we didn’t rush out and buy them on the basis of hysterical news reporting. We’ve had a big box of them for about two months now, ever since both of our kids came down with RSV. We actually wound up taking the baby to the emergency room one night back then because of it. She’s since mostly recovered, but as a precaution we were limiting visitors to our home and making anyone who did come over wear a mask for a while. If you have really young kids at home, I suggest you read up on RSV at the CDC’s web site.

On the bright side, now we’re all set if microbiological Armageddon hits.

Neo-Shakespearean Quote of the Day

December 3, 2008

“Is this chicken what I have, or is it fish?”

          — Jessica Simpson, eminent philosopher

Mouldering Quote of the Day (World Series Edition)

October 20, 2008

“It’s like he’s the godfather, and we’re all a bunch of thugs.”

Larry Andersen, on 1993 Philadelphia Phillies teammate and metaphysical surrealist Darren Daulton

Tangentially related politics note: Who wants to bet we’ll be seeing more presidential campaign ads than we ever thought possible on TV throughout the duration of the Phillies/Rays World Series?

Musty Quotes of the Day

August 27, 2008
  • When the seagulls follow the trawler, it is because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea.
  • I might have said that, but on the whole I talk a lot of rubbish.

Eric Cantona


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