Posts Tagged ‘muppets’

Ask A Baby!

November 2, 2008

La la la la, la la la la, Elmo’s World. La la la la, la la la la, ELMO’S WORLD!

And now it’s time for everybody’s favorite Elmo’s World segment, “Ask A Baby!”

Our first question comes from “Worried in Waukeegan.”

Worried: I’m afraid the building next to my house might be harboring a meth lab. It smells like nail polish and cat pee at all hours, and there are always a lot of empty containers of antifreeze, lighter fluid, Sudafed, and glass beakers with weird purple residue in the trash. The windows are blacked out, and strange people are always coming and going. The problem is, it’s also the local police station. With this in mind, where can I possibly go for help?

Baby: Gaaa. Mmph. Buh. Wawawawawawawa—gheeee! Dat!

Our next question comes from “Curious in Centralia.”

Curious: Elmo doesn’t really seem like the responsible type, so I was wondering how many goldfish named Dorothy Elmo has killed and secretly buried in Mr. Noodle’s backyard through the years?

Baby: Blub! MMMMMMMMMMM! Ahhhwa. Da. Da. Fuuuuuuuf. Bahh.

Our final question comes from “Margaret from an undisclosed location.”

Margaret: Are you there, God? It’s me, Margaret.

Baby: . . . and two, I use E-Trade so . . .  urp . . . urp . . . BLEARCH!  Whoa.

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Blast You, Elmo!!! Blast You!!!!!

February 7, 2008

It is time something was created for the web that is utterly without precedent: a completely unfounded, angry screed of pure opinion about utterly inconsequential miscellany. There don’t appear to be any of those on the Internets, much less on blogs. So, here it goes:

Let it go on the record that I despise Elmo. That giggling, pipsqueak-voiced vermilion Muppet gets on my nerves like none other. As a parent, I’m finding that there is absolutely no escaping Elmo. He has apparently infected every corner of the universe with his inane blather and dopey face.

I have no idea how and when Elmo became so popular. I don’t think that character even existed when I watched Sesame Street as a kid, way back in the stone age when Mr. Hooper ran Hooper’s Store and everyone thought Suffleupagus was Big Bird’s imaginary friend.

Two smarter Muppets than Elmo try to communicate with a telephone.Fast forward to today, and Elmo is everywhere. He is, for some bizarre reason, on almost all of the diapers we’ve ever used. His fuzzy form pops out of baby books, and his obnoxiously third person-referring voice spews from a toy phone the kid got for the holidays. Why, O Cruel and Vindictive Gods of The Children’s Television Workshop, Why?

There are infinitely better and cooler Muppets out there than Elmo. As far as the coolness factor goes, you can’t really top Slimey, Oscar The Grouch’s pet worm, who seems to have his own personal chorus line at his beck and call. Even those two Martians that randomly invade Bert and Ernie’s apartment to change the settings on the radio, think telephones are intelligent beings, and can apparently say nothing but, “Yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip. Uh-huh,” exhibit greater intelligence than the Red Menace.

Hey hey, ho ho, Elmo’s got to go.


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