How the Occult Can Save NASCAR

While I’ve always been a sports fan, there are certain sports that I could never get into. Stock car racing is one of them. It’s not that I don’t recognize the tremendous amount of athleticism, finely trained reflexes, and incredible reserves of stamina it takes drive a car 500 or so miles in heavy, darting traffic at breakneck speeds, nor is it that I don’t understand how physically and mentally taxing it is to work on a pit crew.

The NASCAR logo

From Wikipedia.

For whatever reason, I just have no interest in it. Maybe it has something to do with my background in track & field, distance running, and cycling. On some very visceral level for me, any race where people don’t propel themselves under some direct form of their own power doesn’t qualify as “racing,” no matter how well I understand intellectually just how physically demanding it is to drive a race car or jockey a horse.

I’m not like a few of my relatives, who will gladly sit in rapt attention for hours while listening to a NASCAR race on the radio, which is a behavior I find truly baffling. There are certain sports that lend themselves well to radio broadcasts. Baseball, for instance. Any race of any form longer than a sprint really doesn’t fall into the category of “radio-friendly,” though. I also don’t find NASCAR even remotely interesting on TV — not even when there are crashes.

The problem for NASCAR is that while I’ve never been alone in that opinion, I’m increasingly less alone with every passing year. After a rise in interest in the late ’90s and beginning of the last decade, the size of TV audiences for NASCAR races has been dropping precipitously for several years now, declining almost 19% from 2006 to 2009.

NASCAR's "Racing with Jesus" car.

"Racing with Jesus." From Flickr.com.

The time has come for NASCAR to adopt a new, radical approach to boost viewership and win over new fans across a broad range of demographic subsets. Too many NASCAR teams have owners or sponsors involved in automotive parts or services. It’s time to go way “outside the box” to reach people who aren’t gearheads or other automotive aficionados.

Something like the Morgan Shepherd’s “Racing With Jesus” car reaches out to a slightly different demographic, but it merely reinforces a stereotype of the typical NASCAR fan which is frankly more inaccurate than one might think, and it doesn’t help draw in many new fans. What NASCAR needs is something completely different that will really turn people’s heads.

It’s high time that an organization like the O.T.O. got involved in NASCAR team sponsorship. After all, the precedent of open religious sponsorship has already been set, and some occult group like Ordo Templi Orientis getting involved in NASCAR would certainly turn heads and be a strong attention-getter, much to the benefit of both parties.

The Eye of Horus.

NASCAR has its eye on a comeback. The Eye of Horus, from Wikipedia.

Just imagine: “And number 777, the Crowley Car, wins Talladega! Let’s talk to the winning driver, Billy Joe Shaved. Billy Joe, is there anything you’d like to say?”

“Well now, I just wanna start by thankin’ Thoth fer givin’ us all the wisdom to come up with a winning race strategy based on the rock of truth found in The Book of Lies. I hope this win gives glory to almighty Horus and Nut, Queen of the Air.”

Television ratings would spike, I tell you. Spike. It would be the beginning of NASCAR’s new Golden Dawn.

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