“Food Product” Showcase: Mango Flavored Pineapple

Mango Flavored Pineapple

"Mango Flavored Pineapple." Was this really necessary?

There are rare moments of monumental discovery that redefine the limits of human potentiality. One such glimmer of our collective greatness occurred recently when I happened upon a box of “Champion Mango Flavored Pineapple.”

If people are capable of taking one fruit and making it taste somewhat like the chemical approximation of another fruit, we are champions indeed.

So many burning questions arise from the contemplation of mango-flavored chunks of dried pineapple that cut to the very core of our being. Why create something like this at all? Why not just sell a mixture of dried mangoes and dried pineapples if you want to get the flavor of both? Or, if you just want the mango flavor, why not just use mangoes? Why instead take a bunch of dried pineapples and sprinkle them with magic mango-ish pixie dust (called “natural mango flavor” on the label, whatever that’s supposed to mean)?

Why climb a mountain? We climb it because it is there, and because we can. Such is the power and wonder of our ambition.


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