You Are Watching Bad TV

My wife has always possessed an uncanny ability to discover and be endlessly amused by some of the worst television shows ever created. Some of her all-time favorites include Bravo’s The Real Housewives of Wherever-the-Hell It Is (note: if you ever wanted to start a violent, anti-American revolution in an impoverished country, I’m convinced that all you really need to do is jam all television broadcasts in said country and replace them with a continuous loop of The Real Housewives of Orange County), and Bridezillas on WE (I’ve always found it incredibly ironic that the flagship show of a channel calling itself “Women’s Entertainment” consists of essentially an endless parade of walking apologies for misogyny).

One thing that has thankfully never graced our television screen is MTV’s Jersey Shore, the experience of watching which I’ve heard is something closely akin to being Jane Goodall observing chimps for the first time. However, I did recently stumble across a little doodad called the “Jersey Shore Nickname Generator.” It told me my Jersey Shore nicknames are “DJ Douchebag,” followed by “The Sausage Party.”


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