It’s Amazing What You Can Pass Off As Health Food

In recent years, we’ve become accustomed to seeing labels on food packaging touting the health benefits inside, including some from unlikely sources. Chocolate bars now routinely tout the antioxidant properties of the cocoa they contain, and similar labels can be found on bottles of highly sweetened iced tea. Beef jerky is now exalted as an excellent source of protein (the preservatives are strangely not mentioned). Sugared-up yogurt featuring swirly colors found nowhere in nature is labeled as a healthy option because it has calcium and “live and active cultures.”

But nothing could have prepared me for what I saw the most recent time I bought a jar of mayonnaise. On the corner of the label was an insignia stating this product was an excellent source of OMEGA 3 (the “Omega 3” was printed in bigger, bolder lettering than anything else in the insignia). That’s right, mayonnaise is now being at least partly marketed as health food.

I have to go now and make my lunch. I’m frying up an egg and making a sandwich by placing it between two candy bars liberally slathered with mayo. Then I’m going to wash it down with some sweet tea. I’M GONNA LIVE FOREVER!

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