“Nobody Should Be Scared of a . . . Potato Chip”

Death Rain Habanero Chips Bag

The Onion’s A.V. Club is apparently going to start reviewing food on a somewhat regular basis. What exactly this has to do with the entertainment theme of that section of the paper is something I haven’t quite pieced together. At any rate, they just reviewed one of my favorite treats to enjoy in extremely sparing moderation, Blair’s Death Rain XXX Habanero Potato Chips.

The chips come in tiny single-serving bags. When I buy a bag, I can eat about a quarter of it. The rest gets sealed up and sits in the cupboard for several days. Then I eat about another quarter of a bag, and the cycle repeats until the chips are finally gone about a week and a half after purchasing them.

The Onion staff was inspired to review these chips on the basis of the repeated e-mail based taunting of some all-caps typing doofus who never learned how to spell, telling the reviewers to “MAN THE F&#% UP” and making profound statements like, “YOU BUY THE CHIPS BUT YOUR [sic] THE ONE GETTING F@&%ING OWNED,” and “NOBODY SHOULD BE SCARED OF A F@&%ING POTATO CHIP.”

With endorsements like that, how can you possibly go wrong?

Anyway, the reviewers managed to pick up on what I like about them, too: “Once you get past the heat, they taste pretty good, but it’s a bit of a struggle to actually find the taste. Also, it should be noted that the heat comes on slowly and insidiously.”

If you are able to block out the heat from your mind while eating them, you can’t help but notice that they are incredibly well-made potato chips. They aren’t just some junk like Lays with a bunch of powdered hot sauce dumped on them. If they had no flavoring added at all, they would taste very, very good on their own.

Being from central Pennsylvania, quite possibly the junk food capital of the country, I’ve found that there aren’t a whole heck of a lot of things like chips and pretzels made places other than here than can hold a candle to our local stuff. These are an exception. Plus, they have the added bonus of lighting your throat on fire and cleaning out your sinuses. Yummy.

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