Cue the slick commercial voiceover announcer:
Are you tired of traditional hair removal methods? Do you dread the drudgery of shaving every day? Do you hate waxing even more? Are you suspicious of corrosive chemical hair removers? Well fret no more, because the Infant Incorporated Hair Removal System is here!
Infant Incorporated’s patented, all-natural Hair Removal System uses digital Grabby Baby Technology! This breakthrough in the art and science of hair removal utilizes the gentle touch of a baby to eliminate your unwanted hairs. The baby’s grasping reflex does all the work for you, and you get the added entertainment value of watching the baby laugh and coo adorably at the sight of your flinches during each gentle tug!
The Infant Incorporated Hair Removal System utilizing Grabby Baby Technology is all-natural and virtually pain-free! Virtually pain free!
Warning: Definitions, interpretations, connotations, meanings and nuances of the terms “virtually” and “pain-free” may vary wildly from person to person. Do not taunt Grabby Baby.