The Ride of the Unidentifiable Liquid Fairy

Being the parents of a two-month old, the Unidentifiable Liquid Fairy visits our house frequently. The bastard half-brother of the Tooth Fairy produced by Zeus’ scandalous tryst with a mildewed kitchen sponge, the Unidentifiable Liquid Fairy gathers supplies for his nightly rounds at cisterns, sewage treatment plants, cooling towers, latrines and Superfund sites all over the world. At night, he bestows the gifts he gathered upon the cribs of the all the good little cranky infants.

Some of his presents include The Stringy Clear Goo, The Pasty Off-White Curds, The Dark Spots That Smell Like Stale Urine Mixed With Laundry Detergent, Eau de Tire Fire, Gelatinous Snot, and The Stuff That Was Clearly Extracted From Joke Shop Stink Bombs.

If the goo touches you, it means seven years of good luck, as dogs will follow you with wagging tails wherever you go, making people think you have supernatural animal magnetism.

When his nightly rounds are complete, the Unidentifiable Liquid Fairy returns to his humble abode in Gary, Indiana, where he plays in a Lynyrd Skynyrd tribute band.

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One Response to “The Ride of the Unidentifiable Liquid Fairy”

  1. Vanilla Says:

    My boys are 2 and 4 so the visits from the Unidentifiable Liquid Fairy have become less frequent but we still get one occasionally. I found myself laughing at this post but that’s only because I’ve probably blocked out some of the memories of stepping in or putting my hand in Eau de Tire Fire.

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