Our Insidious Baby Room

Winnie-The-Pooh, the bears' Soft and Fuzzy facade.I have a confession to make. Through the decorating scheme for our son’s room, my wife and I are furthering the Bearist Agenda. We have many items from the “Soft and Fuzzy Pooh” theme from Babies ‘R’ Us adorning his room. This is, of course, part of Bearorist pro-bear propaganda leader Winnie-The-Pooh‘s assault on the media through his manipulation of the Disney corporation, if the Colbert Report-inspired Encyclopedia of Truthiness for America’s Heroes, Wikiality, is to be believed. As it well should — while facts come from your brain, truth comes from your gut, and if you can’t trust your gut, you can’t trust anything. Wikiality’s authors have the courage to be all gut, no brain.

The truthiness about Winnie-The-Pooh is that he is the bears’ soft and fuzzy facade:

Born in the dreaded Canadian province of Manitoba, Winnie The Pooh is one of the leading figures in pro-bear propaganda. . . .

It is rumored that he is allied with a pig, who controls a small, elite faction of renegede terrorist pigs. Although, his name is unknown and no photo identification has been made.

It is known that Winnie the Pooh has a large “honey jar”, which is obviously code for “large salted hydrogen bomb.” . . .

What a real, soulless bear looks like.Though starting life in Manitoba, Winnie the Pooh moved to England to study under the famous British Socialists that you’ve probably never heard of, such as H. M. Hyndman and John Maclean. He majored in Dictatorship and Torture Psychology. After that, he moved to East Sussex and began a Stalin-like takeover of everything in the Hundred-Acre Wood. He is currently number two on Parade’s “worst non-human dictators” only behind Elmo.

And we are raising our son to love the sight of that tubby yellow bear, to view him as friendly rather than as a avatar of the godless killing machines that all bears are. It’s like we’re a fifth column for bears, the perpetual number one threat on the ThreatDown.

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3 Responses to “Our Insidious Baby Room”

  1. beth Says:

    this is crap

  2. Bumbo Seats Says:

    Bumbo Seats…

    I found your site on technorati and read a few of your other posts. Keep up the good work. I just added your RSS feed to my Google News Reader. Looking forward to reading more from you….

  3. Mohammad Says:

    Kaelin – Andria! I can’t tell you enough how much of a beslsing you were to us. Not just your amazing skills But your wonderful, relaxed, joyful presence. I love what I’ve seen so far and I am so very excited to see the rest of the pictures! I know you were able to capture all of the joy of this amazing time for us. You’re such a gem and we’re so thankful for all of your hard work!

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