Dude, Let’s Get High off Infant Formula!

Yesterday I was at the grocery store purchasing a jar of powdered baby formula. I had a five dollar coupon with me that was laid out in a manner resembling a check, although it was not really a check. The kid jockeying the register didn’t know what to make of it at first, but began to make some headway after beginning to process the coupon as if it were a check.

“Okay, this is weird,” she said.


“It says you need to swipe your I.D. through the credit card reader for it to process.”

“Huh.” I swiped my driver’s license. The coupon then went through.

I’ve had to use my driver’s license to buy beer before, but I never thought it would be necessary to purchase infant formula with a five dollar discount. I wonder if it contains some kind of illicit substance, and that somewhere, right now, shady people are getting incredible kicks from snorting baby formula, sucking the powder up into those little spit-vacuum syringes and using them to shoot it up their noses while inhaling deeply.

As for myself, I think I’ll just stick to mainlining Baby Magic bath lotion.


2 Responses to “Dude, Let’s Get High off Infant Formula!”

  1. Amy Says:

    Good to know you still have a sense of humor.

    Been there before! I once bought the wrong formula (needed the Soy, picked up the nonSoy) and tried to return it. No go! I guess there is some ring of people who buy formula with food stamps, etc and then return it for money. I tried to convince them that I just wanted to swap them out but faced an inquisition. Oh the things you learn along the way.

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