[Cue theme music. The announcer’s voiceover begins.]
That’s right, boys and girls! It’s time for today’s installment of Tips from Dr. Stupid! Today’s topic: how to ease back into running after a bad cold.
[Dr. Stupid walks down the aisle to the stage. He smiles at the camera and begins to talk.]
Why, thank you, Ed! Like he said, today we’re talking about how to get back into running after you’ve had a bad cold. A lot of people will say that you should take things gradually and not overdo it. A lot of people full of crap! You should just go out there, grab the bull by the horns and crank out nine miles or so at a pace that’s pretty fast for yourself.
Also, make sure you do this beginning at a time when the temperature is at least 80 degrees. After all, you need to do this to prove to yourself that you’re still tough, and that you didn’t go soft during those few days you took off. Another thing you want to make sure of is that you don’t want to bring any water out there with you. Water is for fish, not for people!
And when you’re finally done with those nine fast miles without hydration, just remember that the violent coughing fit into which you’ll certainly lapse is not a symptom of lingering disease, it’s weakness leaving the body.
Follow my tips, and you will be back on the road in no time, the Dr. Stupid way!