One search engine query that directed someone to this blog two days ago was “cat eating.” I’m not sure whether the person in question was looking for cats eating things, or the eating of cats. Either way, it’s somewhat squirm-inducing.

A search term leading here yesterday was “infant hair removal.” I really don’t want to know.

“Snowball with batteries cowboys” was another term from the past week. I can’t even begin to picture what the searcher envisioned by that.

“Victorian insane asylums,” or some variation thereof, is a frequent denizen of the search terms that lead readers here. Apparently a lot of people out there are really into Victorian insane asylums.

Another person this week was looking for a “slogan for america.” How about this one: “America. . . Two continents for the price of one!”

“Funk do chupa cabra” was another recent search query directing here. This one gives me an idea: maybe somebody should invent a dance called the “Funky Chupacabra.” It would be like the funky chicken, only somehow involving buckets of blood. Now that I think about it, having just written “buckets of blood” here probably opens this site up to even weirder Internet searches in the future.

“I have always said that I would put aside partisan wrangling to do the business of the people. My vote tonight was based on my priority of doing what is best for my constituents.”

So said Rep. Anh “Joseph” Cao (R-LA) the sole Republican member of the House of Representatives to vote in favor of health care reform, thereby making minority whip Eric Cantor’s bragging that his party would stand unified against the bill look silly and putting the lie to his party’s efforts to block reform. Cao said, in essence, that he voted for it because it was simply the right thing to do.

It’s especially telling that he submitted his “yes” vote well before time expired, meaning that he planned to stick his neck out no matter whether the finally tally looked like it would be close, a sure winner, or a sure loser.

Unfortunately for Republicans (and unfortunately for the country as a whole), Cao is less representative of their party these days than the people in the video of House debate below. The exchange beginning at around 35 seconds in is particularly exemplary: the Democratic representative is saying she supports reform that “ensures no mother will ever have her child’s care denied because of a pre-existing condition.” Meanwhile, the Republican representative is repeating “I object,” over her words ad nauseum.

And now, just in time for Halloween: Stupidest. Thing. Ever.

Here’s a closeup of the photographic “evidence” of a ghost.

Tell me how that isn’t just a perfectly normal picture of a guy walking into a room.

I have to wonder what the exact purpose of all the baby toys we own is when it’s painfully obvious that the baby’s current favorite toy is a can of mushrooms. It’s shiny, and it has a label with bright colors! Plus, you can roll it around the room. What more could anyone possibly want?

As for our two-year old, he completely polished off a heaping bowl of leftover lentil and tomato curry with brown rice for breakfast this morning. It’s one of his favorite foods. He also likes to pull my wife’s paperback copy of Nightmares and Dreamscapes off the shelf, point to the picture of Stephen King on the back cover, and shout, “Dad!” He’s also done this to the TV on the few occasions he’s seen Barack Obama on television. For the record, I look nothing like Stephen King, nor do I resemble the President. He also refers to Abby Cadabby, and only Abby Cadabby, as “Mom” when watching Sesame Street.

No, my wife is not purple.

“Faith in a holy cause is to a considerable extent a substitute for the lost faith in ourselves.”

— Eric Hoffer

I’m still trying to wrap my mind around this without my head exploding as a result.

Back-to-Back NL Champions. The universe has lost its marbles.

The Philadelphia Phillies won the National League title a grand total of five times in 125 seasons from 1883 to 2007. In fact, they only did it twice in 97 seasons from 1883 to 1979. They have lost more games than any other professional sports team in American history. Rooting for the Phillies, I grew up accustomed to long stretches of futility occasionally punctuated one randomly good year and quickly followed by more futility.

The other night, they won the National League title for the second year in a row, making the Phillies only the eighth team to win back-to-back NL pennants since the beginning of the 20th century. I keep having to pinch myself to make sure I’m not dreaming, and then I have to push against my ears to keep my brain from oozing out of my head if I think about it.

Hey, man, is that Freedom Rock?

Why?

No reason. ‘S just awesome is all.

I wonder what would happen if you tried calling the number at the end today. If it still works, I’d totally want the four LP option.

Every once in a while you stumble across something that seems brilliant at the time, and as the years go by, you still remember it. With those added years, though, it starts to look not only brilliant, but prophetic as well.

The cartoon at the link below, which was initially published in May 2002, is one such thing:

http://www.cartoonistgroup.com/store/add.php?iid=27962

muggle:  —noun— what our 25 month-old toddler calls our cat Molly.

No, he has not yet seen any of the Harry Potter movies, nor have any of the books been read to him yet.

It’s official: Liverpool are so bad, a beach ball beat them today. Whoever the Reds’ fan was who brought that ball to the game and lost control of it, congratulations: you’re the new Steve Bartman!

Liverpool loses to a beach ball and makes satire irrelevant.